I wish I could be an artist. I wish I could paint the Universe.

May 13, 2020

Sometimes I wish I could be an artist. Sometimes I wish I had a special talent. Dancing. Singing. Playing an instrument. Photography. Pottery. Comedy. Sports. Volley ball. Tennis. Handball. Piano. Ballet. Horse riding. Kick boxing. And the list goes on. I tried everything. And yet, nothing stuck. I was bored. I was bored of everything I did. Every sport I tried. Every instrument I played. Nothing stuck. I was bored in school. I was always looking for more. Something that would spark my soul. I wonder. Why? I should have tried harder. Maybe I didn’t give it a chance. Sometimes I regret. I hope. I wish I had that special something. Would make it all easier. My sweet escape. Drawing. Painting. Crafting. Nothing. I love it tho. I wish I was an artist.

Artists are magicians. They create magic.

My dad is an artist. At heart at least. More than what he would ever want to admit. He is good. He is talented. He used to build me doll houses and do my arts homework and school projects. I wish it was me tho. I wish I had his talent. Sometimes I wonder. Why not? I have so much to express. So much to say that words cannot express. I am bad with words. I am good with words. Sometimes. What difference does it make? Elon Musk said we wouldn’t need language in 10 years. So in what other forms could we express ourselves? Would we still write? Would we still dance? What would happen to the singers. The comics. The actors. Would we go back to the silent movie era. Murnau. Sunrise. A song of two humans. That movie stuck. i loved it. Made me fall in love with cinema. Yet, I find most movies boring. I find most books boring. Sometimes I wonder. Why? Why am I bored of these things. Am I too curious? Is my mind too jumpy? Or am I just uninterested? I will go with the former. I am too curious. I want to know everything. Many things. Too many things. I wanna crack the code. All the codes. But is there any code to crack? How does it work? Are we human beings having a spiritual experience or spiritual beings having a human experience? Can someone tell me the secret? Where’s the fun? I’d rather find it myself. I’d rather create it myself.

I used to feel sad sometimes. Why am I not an artist? I should have been. I could create more easily. I could just draw some colorful lines on a paper and get it out there. I could sing a beautiful song for the world to hear. I could paint my heart out on a blank canvas. I could do so many things. It is such a beautiful expression of oneself. I wish I could do that. I used to be sad sometimes. Until I realised. There is nothing to be sad about. Creation comes in different ways. You can create without singing, painting or drawing. You can create by simply being you. We are all creators. That’s the beauty of the universe. We often forget. We often wonder. We often wander. Get lost. Too lost to be found again. Beyond translation. Is someone even looking? The reality is you need to find yourself by yourself. You need to wonder, wander and get lost to find yourself again. That’s what makes the universe such an exciting place to live in. Despite all. Despite all what is happening right now, what happened in the past or what will happen in the future. The universe remains an exciting place to live in. The most exciting of all. No, I didn’t say “the world”. Because the world is insignificant. It is meaningless. It is just a tiny round blue ping pong ball in a huge galaxy. Nothing around us. Tale of us. Stars, comets, planets and sometimes Teslas. Yet, here we are, living in a tiny object called earth. Sometimes fighting one another over the stupidest things ever. Sometimes being sad, angry for no reason. Sometimes, ungrateful or even hateful towards one another. And for what?

"A smile is often the key thing" Antoine De St Exupery

Antoine De St Exupery wrote that a smile once saved his life. A simple smile to a prison’s guard where he was held hostage during the war. A smile set him free. A smile sent him back to his family. His children. What does that tell you about the universe? How did I go from stars to prison’s guards? Everything is interconnected. See, when you smile at the universe, the universe smiles back at you. This is how it works. We might be the tiniest little things out there. But in our tiny little body, we control so many atoms. 7*10^27 atoms to be exact. 7 billion billion billion atoms. Yeah. That much. Our brain has over 100 billion neurons in it. When we begin making sense of the world, each of these neurons start making connections with each other. Every single thing we know or think we know is inside one of those connections. Synapses. We are the manifestation of those material networks. I’d like to believe that we can model them as we please. Strange how kids are better at this game than adults. “Lantern consciousness”. Immersing as opposed to observing. Integrating the chaotic billions of stimuli around us. Blending neural patterns. Creating models of reality and models of possible alternate realities. Space. Each and everyone of our 7 billion billion billion atoms communicate not only with each other but also with the outer space atoms. Every atom in this galaxy is interconnected. Inter dimensional. Interstellar. I will let you find out how many. Hint: way more than 7 billion billion billion. And we get to control these atoms. All of them. We get to control what message we want to create. Chicken soup for the soul.

We get to control what we want to tell the universe.

We get to control what the universe will respond to us. Not what it would say. That, you can never know. But you can control the theme, the tone of its response the tone of the entire conversation. If you say to someone I love you, they will respond with love. Well, unless you’ve been a complete asshole to them. But when you give love, you generally receive love in return. When you give kindness, you receive kindness in return. But when you give hatred you can’t expect to receive love in return. What you give to the universe, the universe gives back to you. If you are grateful, the universe will give you more things to be grateful for. If you are kind, the universe will give you more kindness in return. If you have faith, the universe will have faith in you. If you believe, the universe will believe in you. Sometimes, it will test you. It tests all of us. Persistence. Only those who pass the tests, succeed. So what’s the test? Cheesy. That is for you to figure out. Yeah, I am talking to myself here. The “you” that is within me. We all have a you within us. Adding fight club to the mix. Who doesn’t love fight club? Tyler Durdon. Badass. Narrator? Boring. Oops. Wake him up. Talk to your narrator. Make her talk to the universe. Give her a canvas. Let her create. Let her unleash the artist buried inside. Would you be afraid to perform on the stage of an empty room? Probably not. So what’s stopping you now? Wrong answers only. Sometimes, it is the very people who no one imagine anything of, who do the things no one can imagine. The imitation game. Alan Turin. Genius. Back to my canvas.

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